But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus...

This post has nothing to do with the snow that we have been having. Although I like it right? haha no school for a week = longer winter break

I was trying to write about how I was playing with fire and how it got me thinking about how hot it was that I pulled back my finger and then just thinking about hell, how hot that would be, and thinking what it would be like if I was eternally separated from God... there must be a lot of pain there...=/

But instead I'll just talk about something that I actually think about a lot. haha

----------------skip to here if lazy...haha


Back in the day my youth group used to be a close group of people. Or still are a close group of people. I guess since I am always at college, I am not as aware of how they are doing or what they are doing =/. Trying to be close with them like in their "clique" was one of my main struggles before. They would always do things without me and I would never be invited to go with them places. And I guess what hurt me the most was that when newcomers were around, my youth group would be so nice to the new comers and all and invite them to wherever they were going after church.

Just some scenarios, after Bible study one time, everyone kept saying to each other, "are you going to so and so's place?" or like "hey how are you getting to so and so's place?" and it just hurt me so much at that moment that I didn't know what they were talking about or where they were going, and they would kinda be secretive about it. Like I would just hear small bits of it. And even the new comers (at that time) knew about it. Looking back it seems kinda dumb right? But I wish I was included with what they were doing.

It was kinda hurtful to me, like I felt maybe I wasn't as sociable, or something was wrong with me. Maybe I'm awkward or something like that. Like how come they never ask me how I'm doing? or how come they never invite me to whatever they are doing? But they invite the newcomers and hang out with the new comers all the time? And they always have sleepovers without telling me? They never take me out, but they take these other people out that they just met?

I kinda got bitter about it and stuff and they would always be like, (talking to me) "How you doin buddy? You ok? Why do you look sad all the time? Ok well see you man!" and then right after (talking to each other) "so who you riding with? I'ma ride with blah blah blah..." And I was just like (to myself), "I'm sad because you guys never seem to care about me."

But I guess it was just like that because I was always sad looking and being bitter, but I mean I really put in the effort to get to know them and everything. I really reached out to them and tried to talk to them and everything.

That was one of my main struggles, I mean I don't really care much now. I kinda accepted that they are that way. But they invite me to things now, except I have too much school work to go. I go when I can hahaha...

What have I learned from this? Honestly, I don't want to make up things, but basically, I didn't really learn much from it...hahah

------------------------------

I learned how to appreciate it more when people reached out to me. When Brendon called me to ask me how if I wanted to study with him or that we should hang out, that really meant a lot to me, cuz it wasn't something that I usually got from other people. And just the people at KCM, when they reached out to me and showed me care, I really felt loved. When they suprised me on my birthday, I couldn't help but smile haha. No one ever did those kinda things for me before. That's one of the main reasons why I stayed at KCM.

Also another thing is my friends from high school and new friends in college. They really mean a lot to me, even if it doesn't seem like that sometimes, cuz I'm usually quiet. Am I? haha sometimes I feel like I either talk to much, or talk not that much. But when I am really tired or things are tough, I just like to relax and hear them talk and watch them do weird stuff haha. I love them so =] Also they always call me and stuff, and ask me to visit them or eat with them or just anything. I didn't get that from my youth group, until now I guess.

But now I appreciate it more when people take an effort to get to know me. I just been so used to this pokemon world where I press A to everyone and do all the talking and keep every conversation and every friendship alive. When people do that instead of me, whether it be at KCM, or my friends, or at the fellowship at OIL, I appreciate it more.

Sometimes, things happen.

Oohhh

My whole life is Yours

I give it all

Surrendered to Your Name

and forever I will pray

have Your way

have Your WAY!

Forever I will pray, have Your way O Lord, please have mercy and give ear to my words O Lord. Consider my meditation. Pour out Your grace and change my heart. I am relying on You alone for this for I am weak. To be with You, to praise You. Whatever that takes, whatever the circumstances...HAVE YOUR WAY!

Hmm, I just came back from OIL...One In Love conference over at Montrose, Pennsylvania.

WARNING:
Sorry I do not include much Biblical basis for what I'm about to say(sleepy), but I have this passage =]
Question me with Scripture, so what I say won't be heresy.

1 Timothy 1:14-17

¹⁴The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

¹⁵Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. ¹⁷Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

God is faithful...

I'm sure you can just say it and just nod your head. You can hear it and just nod your head..
But think about it...

Did it hit you?

haha sike well it's amazing isn't it.

God is so loving...
so faithful...
so patient...

People reject God daily. Not only non-Christians, but Christians as well. By sin...

Do you realize that God had to send His son Jesus to die for our sin, since sin is what separates us from God? Jesus had to die...

And yet we still sin everyday. We continue to do the act that separates us from God. We put up barriers between us and God. We load more sin onto Jesus's back, that each time we sin, God takes up His wrath on His son Jesus.(I'm not so sure about this actually)

If you are in a relationship, get this, imagine if you caught him/her cheating on you. Or committing adultery with someone else.

Imagine, and that's what we do everyday to God...

We reject and push away...we build up walls.

Do you get it? How would you feel if someone you loved started putting up walls, started pushing you away, started rejecting you?
I can tell you it's hard to deal with...
heartbreaking..heartshattering

Feel it, God may be feeling this everyday, and not only that, but it's THAT TIMES TEN(or infinity) since God loves you MORE THAN you can love anyone else.

It is just sooooo tempting to just reject that person back isn't it. It is soooo tempting to just forget them and leave them forever...its soooo easy to stop being faithful. because it bothers me that much. That's how much it bothers me. It's a defense mechanism caused by my selfishness.

HOW DARE YOU REJECT ME! HOW INSULTING YOU LITTLE....UNGRATEFUL..CHILD! YOU FOOL!!!!
(check this out, how selfish is this, how jealous this is. ...This implies that you are greater than the other person. Why would you react like that? Why? Because it attacks your glory. It attacks your reputation, your PRIDE....This implies that you are what?...in simple terms....GOD)

Sometimes I wish I was more like Jesus so I wouldn't be bothered or discouraged, so that I wouldn't be tempted to just reject that person back....if I only get rid of my selfishness, then I wouldn't feel that way right?

but Jesus was bothered by it right? God hurts for those doesn't He? When God gets rejected, doesn't He feel that pain? So why can't I?

But I don't deserve anything. I am nothing. God is the most beautiful, most glorious, most holy, and he deserves EVERYTHING. He deserves the glory, the honor, and the praise, the worship. He is the only one who deserves to get hurt, He is the only one who has the RIGHT to reject someone back when they reject Him,

He can say those words and it would be LEGIT!

But amazingly....

God is...what?


God is still faithful...

Amen? Amen =]

"God is good and great and we thank you for our food, by His hands we must be fed give us Lord our daily bread. Amen."
-hmm..I don't know where I learned this prayer...

Whenever I pray for my food, I find myself praying this prayer that I have been praying for a lonng time. It doesn't rhyme...haha I think as a child I switched the words "great" and "good"

But anyways I'm not blogging about this prayer in particular...however it does seem kinda wrong to pray...when by His hands we don't HAVE to be fed. It isn't a MUST. But rather it is an expression of His grace and His love. God is expressing His love for us by doing so. We don't deserve food, we don't deserve anything. NO! but if anything, we deserve death and eternal separation from God because of our sin. "The wages of sin is death" (Romans 6:23)

And just keeping this in my mind I just feel so blessed. Just recently I guess I feel as if like, total satisfaction in God. Like right now I just, I don't know. I feel like my life is perfect? and I just feel SO blessed right now. haha.

Perfect not to say that I got everything under control. Not to say that I am sinless. Not to say that I don't have struggles. Not to say that everything is going the way I want. Not the way I want. ME I wish I could double capitalize the "I" for emphasis. But what I'm saying is....

When I say perfect, I mean not according to the way I want things to go, rather, that things are going the way God wants for them to go. In a way, things are actually going the way things I want to go because God gives us the desires of our heart. Whatever God wants to happen, I want to happen to. Even if it's something that I don't want to happen, I want it to happen. Makes sense?

Just recently I feel so at peace and I know its not about feelings, but how can you not feel at peace knowing that God is in control and is holding you?

Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

-picture taken from
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/11318842

Just felt like blogging tonight...

I think this post is gonna be kinda short?

Change is hard to deal with sometimes. I mean change is nice. I once told Aaron about how things are going in my life, and he told me that my life is very colorful. And people tell me sometimes that my life is like a drama...(or maybe I'm just a great storyteller =P)

I think I'd have to agree with Aaron. I recently started commuting to the university, and I'd say it is really different compared to when I lived on campus. I feel more freedom kinda. Which is totally wrong since living on campus is like absolute freedom haha. But I don't know, I guess I feel more like an adult?

I just realized how much life has changed, I feel like I am starting different chapters. Life throws something new at me every time.

But anyways, this is not what I meant to talk about...haha

But yeah, it is kinda sad how things change. How relationships with people change. Especially with a close friend. When that person is not as close anymore. At times it can bother me, but I mean, God's love is great enough to soothe any wound.

This blog post isn't about change really, but change in relationships, I guess. That change, when you go through a time when friendship fades. The degree of pain is proportional to the degree of how close you were to that person.

Having that in mind, sometimes I wonder.

Some people in my church are starting to leave. Like as youth group everyone is getting old and are thinking about moving. It is kinda sad and I try not to get too close with the ones who are planning to leave because I don't want to miss them too much. =/

I guess that goes for high school too. One of the main reasons why I didn't pursue high school friendships was because I knew I was leaving them in 4 years. So I didn't see the point. I thought that church was the best place to spend because I would always be with them even after I graduate.

When I was in middle school, in eighth grade my best friend was going to move. It was kinda sad. It was a thought that I had in seventh grade too, because I was thinking about going to a magnet school. Just thinking that I would have to leave all my friends was kinda sad. I wasn't using internet then, and I wasn't too good at the phone so it was like I would never see my friends again....and that has happened to me many times before because I move.

I look at the seniors '09 from KCM and sometimes ask them how they feel and stuff. They say that they are still close with the same people but never see them as much as before. And I know Joe was getting sad about how he was leaving his new youth kids when he was going to Florida.

I wonder about my friends in college too...who knows in four years, all of my close friends now may leave and have their own lives. They might move to different places. And I might be stuck in grad school on my own...we might all separate

but I guess that is a part of life huh...things change...we are not in control of that, God is...

I've just been thinking all day today...
change can be difficult...friendship fades, people come and people go...



it is hard to lose a close friend, your best friend...and it gets harder when you see them everyday...

This isn't a serious blog...but I thought this was interesting (ambiguous).
I was reading Psalm 24 the other day and then I read this...

Psalm 24:3-6
3 Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
Who may stand in his holy place?
4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false. [a]
5 He will receive blessing from the LORD
and vindication from God his Savior.
6 Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob. [b]
Selah

I instantly realized that Chris Tomlin based his song Give Us Clean Hands, on this song. I was like woah....haha but yeah...

Isn't it kinda weird how I knew the song before I knew this verse. I mean I don't know...I guess it kinda goes to show how I don't read the Bible as much as a "normal Christian" would/should, =/ but yeah anyways, I like how Chris Tomlin uses scripture in his songs =]

hmm...interesting...