But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus...

After all that I have been through this semester, I think about this passage and felt like I kind of identify myself or relate with this young man who encountered Jesus...

Mark 10 (English Standard Version)

The Rich Young Man
17 And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" 18And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. 19You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.'" 20And he said to him, "Teacher, all these I have kept from my youth." 21And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." 22 Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

23And Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How difficult it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!" 24And the disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said to them again, "Children, how difficult it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God." 26And they were exceedingly astonished, and said to him,[c] "Then who can be saved?" 27Jesus looked at them and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God." 28Peter began to say to him, "See, we have left everything and followed you." 29Jesus said, "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, 30who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life. 31But many who are first will be last, and the last first."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


In a basic summary, there was a rich young man who went up to Jesus and asked, "Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?" Jesus then responded, "You know the commandments: 'Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother." The rich young man responded by telling Jesus that he has done all of these things, but Jesus responds "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."

I just noticed that when Jesus names the commandments that the rich man had kept since his youth, Jesus only mentions a few commandments. The commandments that Jesus does not mention, I believe is what the rich man failed to keep:

You shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not make for yourselves an idol.
You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God.
Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.

I'm not so sure about the last two commandments mentioned above, but I'm pretty sure about the first two.

Now for my testimony.......

When I was younger, I did not really have to go through a lot of trials and pain. Nothing drastic ever happened. Everything was like perfect (kinda). I used to watch TV or hear the news. I would hear about starving third world countries. People always told me, "Henrik, you are so lucky to be living in the US. Don't you know that there are tons of immigrants trying to live here?" I would hear about people's deaths and hear about orphans. I would hear about miscarriages, abnormal births, blind people, deaf people. I would hear about poverty, rape, guns, violence. I heard about love too, watched dramas, loss of the ones you love, loss of the girl you love, loss of your spouse, loss of your children, never getting married, never having children, never experiencing love....

and I go around thinking, "man...I hope that stuff never happens to me" and at the SAME TIME I always prayed, "Dear Lord, help me to grow spiritually to see You more and to love You more."

It is still my prayer, but I always lived my life with this declaration,

"Oh yea I'll be Christian, BUT I won't go through all the pain hopefully. Hopefully I'll just live a nice comfortable life. Have good friends. Go to middle school, do well. Go to high school, do well. Get into a good college, do well. Get a good job. Find a nice girl, get married have kids, help them grow spiritually, support them, then LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER"

These are what I really hoped for. And I was thinking that, as long as I had these things, I would be fine, and I would always declare, "Yes, God is my God. Jesus is my savior."

I felt the rich young man from the passage because like the rich young man who owned riches, I OWNED MY life. And I asked God the same question, "What should I do to go to heaven?" and He said the same thing Jesus said, "go sell all, come follow me"

I needed to sell all, give up ownership over my life, and give it to God. But like the rich man, I did not fully understand. I didn't know what it means to give it up my life.

Eagerly I said, "yes yes Jesus I believe You are the way, the truth, and the life, I truly believe that, I will follow You yes yes. You are my Lord, my King, my Savior, my God" I always hoped that I wouldn't have to go through the pain. After holding onto my life and the way I wanted it to be, I realized that I wasn't growing, I finally declared, "Lord I'm stuck, I want to seek You with my whole heart. Teach me dear Lord. Open the eyes of my heart, I give it ALL to you because I believe in You. I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!! I'm desperate for Your touch..."

I told God that yes He is my God, but like the rich man holding onto his riches, I was still holding onto my life. I was still holding onto the identity I created. I was still holding onto my reputation, my dreams, my selfish ambitions, my desires, my time, and my self.

I was really desperate for God to come in and change me. And in His perfect timing, He honored my prayer, my declaration. I began to understand more and more. (I don't know if this goes against the idea of predestination, but I'm just speaking from my point of view, the way I see it)

When some of these things were taken away from me, I was in real pain and disappointment thinking "man this is exactly what I was hoping SOOO much would never happen to me" but here it happened.

I thought I could control my life and live it the way I wanted it to be. I became so frustrated; I felt like I lost control.

I did not know that it would be hard to be a Christian. I did not know that in changing, I would have to deny myself and lose what I held dear. I did not know that I would have to go through true trials and pain, to grow and become stronger, learning to depend only on God the whole way through.

Now goes my new declaration:
"I am a Christian in love with God the Father, Jesus is my Savior. I will give up my life for Him. No matter what happens. At all costs. No matter what I lose for Him. Anything for Him so He can get my full undivided attention. His grace is sufficient for me. God is enough for me. To live is Christ and to die is gain. I give myself as a living sacrifice for Him. All glory to God in the highest!"

I really like this song, no one knows it though haha but I like to meditate on the lyrics:

I Surrender All by Clay Crosse

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land
Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command
But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand
Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand
In the middle of the battle I beleive I've finally found
I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down
All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war
So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

Chorus:
I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams
Though the price to follow costs me everything
I surrender all my human soul desires
If sacrafice requires
That all my kingdoms fall
I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain
If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain
If the focus of my vision is the status I attain
My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain
So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown
And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down
I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace
I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Bridge:
Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known
Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own
Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacraficial fire
If all I have is all that You desire
I surrender all

Okay...
I finally have time to update this thing...I really don't have much to say. Maybe I should start off with what's going on and what has happened in my life so far.

Right now, I'm in the University of Maryland-College Park. Electrical Engineering student in the A. James Clark School of Engineering. I'm taking summer classes right now. The names of the subjects are Digital Logic Design and Basic Circuit Theory. They are not that bad, engineering classes (ENES100 and ENEE140) are my favorite kind of classes. I'll choose them over math, science, history, english, or literature. So far I have learned how to build a hovercraft and do some basic programming in C. I don't know if I'm proud to be here, some people don't think much of the engineering program here, but some people think highly of it.

I like to joke around about how I'm an engineering student. Like, first semester I would bring my Multivariable Calc book to the diner and I would be like, "yea I'm an engineering student" but honestly I rarely did much with that book at the diner...

Anyways, moving on...

KCM (Korean Campus Ministry) at UMCP had a great influence on me. I learned a lot there and grew a lot because of God, and also God using the people there. The people there are just so zealous about knowing God, and I think I learned a lot from the discussions. KCM has helped me get a more clearer picture on things. Before KCM I would just take things for what they are. Questions that I had that nobody could answer, were answered there at KCM. I am inspired and in awe of the many people there who really love God. They really challenged me and helped me with some new concepts about Christianity. I am always touched by the love that they have for one another and the love of Christ revealed through them. I really look up to the leaders and older brothers and sisters in KCM and I hope to one day be like them, reaching out to the younger (and older) generations. It has instilled in me a great passion to help people grow, and help bring the best atmosphere in which people can grow and share, I guess. Nowadays, I've been more focused with helping the freshmen(incoming sophomores) grow (since I was the freshmen class leader), and also the youth at my church.

Nowadays, my routine is
Mondays-Thursdays Summer school
Mondays possibly KCM Bible study and orientation
and that's basically it. I get a lot of homework for my ENEE classes so I put off the reading and homework for other classes. This puts me behind in reading. But the past two days I've been studying hard. I plan to catch up this weekend.


Ahh...I'm so glad to be done with another semester...my next post should be about what I learned in my freshmen year of college...

Spontaneous...

I am only updating cuz I haven't updated since June 5...and I said I would keep a blog...man so much stuff to do!!

-catch up on hw
-look for scholarships
-blog
-devotionals
-respond to ppls in fb and gmail
-and that 100 thing that Angel tagged me in

I have this cloudy, unclear list in my mind about blog topics...I should really write them down... but I am too lazy. But I had sooo many things to write here...I just had no time...

I'm still alive living the way I have always been. There have been changes in the past year...but I need to push myself to work harder to complete the above list. I am learning more and more about God and I feel like I'm in this state of pain and suffering and trials. But I can get through it through God's grace. Life's really pushing me. I don't know...but I am crying a lot more now, ever since last year...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
state of learning and growing...

God's grace is sufficient for me! =D

Be back to add more!

wooo im so tired...havent blogged in yearssss sike i dunno i mean i wrote notes on facebook...but yea me and vincent decided to make blogs and then yea kinda random...and im kinda tired...not kinda, but seriously tired XD

check it out, my life as an undergrad...incoming sophomore...

Peaceee