But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus...

This is just something that my dad sent me, that I discovered when I was cleaning my laptop.
I thought it was interesting...it's a lot of reading...haha

Preaching from last night about the young ruler..
Natalie Grant Concert – 10 Nov 08

He asked the wrong question. “What should I do to enter heaven?” He sound like more interested in receiving things. He also sounded like more interested in doing things to receive grace. He boasted about keeping the commandments since childhood…..Grace is a free gift. Obviously, Jesus knows his heart.

2. Read verses 21-22. How did Jesus show his love for this young man?

Jesus told him that he lacked one thing, that was to come and follow him. Jesus told him the true way to eternal life and told him about the things that were hindering him from coming to God.

Why did the young man refuse Jesus' invitation? (Mt 6:19-21, 24)

Matthew 6:19-21
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”

The young man had much worldly wealth and could not give it up. He did not have any courage to give up his possessions to trust Jesus. He felt righteous, but was not assured of salvation. The wealth was not bad but pursuit of it was stopping him from pursuing the kingdom of God. Where your treasure is there also your heart will be. The young man would have done anything out of his abundance, but not out of sacrifice.

3. Read verses 23-25. Why is it so hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven? (1 Ti 6:9, 10)

1 Timothy 6:9-10
“People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

Those who pursue only worldly wealth have to take great efforts to achieve it and preserve it. This leaves no time for the work of the Lord. Also this distorts people’s priorities and causes them to do things they normally wouldn’t to fill their desire. Worldly people cannot understand Christians and God’s values.

How hard is it?

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. Meaning it is impossible for man to do it alone. To follow Jesus means to leave everything, sell everything, figuratively or literally. And follow Jesus. This is hard because our possessions represent us physically. To give them up means to deny who you are.

4. Read verses 26-27. Why were the disciples more amazed?

The disciples were amazed, because they were hoping on cashing in when Jesus became the new King of the Jews. To the disciples wealth equated with approval from God. So if no rich man could be saved, then their earthly kingdom plans were ruined, and they had no idea how to get into heaven.

How did Jesus answer their questions?

With man it is impossible to enter the Kingdom of God, but with God all things are possible. Jesus gave them hope to trust in him and trust in God, and not rely on riches or righteousness to enter the kingdom of God. When we have confidence in God we can give first priority to God.

Why must we trust Jesus and have pure hearts? (Mt 5:8)

Matthew 5:8
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

When we have a pure heart, we do not doubt or worry, but trust the Lord Jesus. Everything is clearer when our heart is pure and not polluted by extra motives. When we have a pure heart of Christ we can be truly happy.

5. Read verses 28-31. What did Jesus promise Peter and all believers? (2 Ti 3:12)

2 Timothy 3:12
“In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,”

Jesus promised us that we would receive 100x as much as we lost, and receive persecution from the world, and also we would receive eternal life.

How does his promise strengthen us to have pure hearts and trust in Jesus?

Life is not complicated when priorities come from God. We know we are doing the right thing when we receive persecutions. We know we are in the right place.

It is hard for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
Matthew 19:16-26

Trying to gain heaven
In Matthew 19:16-26, Jesus meets a young rich ruler who asks Him how to get eternal life. The man supposes that some good work may merit his entrance into heaven.

We can clearly see from the New Testament that our “good” works do not earn us salvation, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” [Ephesians 2:8-9] But even the Old Testament was crystal clear on this point. Isaiah said, “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags…” [Isaiah 64:6]. David said, “there is no one who does good, not even one.” [Psalm 14:3]

This young rich ruler had both the Psalms and Isaiah at his disposal, and yet he asks Jesus, “what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” [Matthew 19:16] He did not understand that eternal life is a free gift that can neither be earned, nor bought, but can only be received by faith.

Today, as in the past, many rich people suppose that they can do something to earn heaven. This notion is certainly not unique to the rich, as many middle income and poor people also believe that, but amongst the rich it is an epidemic belief. When we have everything we want we suppose that we deserve, or can earn heaven.

Impossible with man. Possible with God.
After a brief discussion on “good” and God’s commandments, Jesus gets to the heart of the matter. He knows that this young man is attached to his wealth. Challenging the man to give it all up and follow Him, Jesus leaves the man with one choice: Jesus or wealth. [“No one can serve two masters…You cannot serve both God and money.” –Matthew 6:24] The man went away sad, but chose his wealth instead of Jesus.

Jesus uses this as an opportunity to teach His disciples about money and its effects upon our likelihood of entering heaven. He compares the likelihood of a rich man entering heaven with that of a camel passing through the eye of a needle. Upon hearing this, the disciples were astonished and asked “Who then can be saved?” [v.25] They asked this because the common thinking of the time was that earthly wealth was God’s blessing upon a godly man. Therefore, if a man is wealthy, he must be godly.

{But had the disciples and their Jewish contemporaries taken Psalm 49 to heart, they would not have equated wealth with godliness. [“But man, despite his riches, does not endure; he is like the beasts that perish. This is the fate of those who trust in themselves…death will feed on them.” “A man who has riches without understanding is like the beasts that perish.” –Psalm 49:12-14; 20]}

Jesus’ answer was to say, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” [v.26]

“The eye of the needle” analysis of the text
Because of the strength and exaggeration of Jesus’ statement that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God, many have proposed alternate translations.

The “needle’s eye”
This theory states that a gate in Jerusalem was called the “needle’s eye” and was low and narrow, requiring a man to dismount his camel and for the camel to get on its knees to enter through the gate. Variations of this story claim this gate to be a protection from thieves or invaders. Unfortunately, there is no gate that bears this name which has been uncovered by archaeologists. The desire here to take Jesus’ from “impossible” to “possible” does not hold water.

Camel’s hair rope instead of a camel?
Another theory is that Jesus was not referring to a camel, but to a rope made of camel’s hair which was fed through a very large carpet needle. A few Minuscules [a type of Greek manuscript] use the Greek word for ‘rope’, but every major manuscript and all church fathers use the word for “camel”, not “rope”. In fact, the United Bible Society is certain that the original autograph used “camel” instead of “rope”. Again, this is a theory that seeks to change “impossible” into “possible.”

Hebrew idiom
This phrase is a common Hebrew idiom [expression of speech] that was simply a way of saying “impossible” by exaggeration. The Jewish Babylonian Talmud refers to an elephant going through a needle as a way of saying that something is impossible [Babylonian Talmud, Berakoth, 55b Babylonian Talmud, Baba Mezi'a, 38b]. Another Talmudic and Midrash idiom is "A needle’s eye is not too narrow for two friends, nor is the world wide enough for two enemies."

Jesus’ intent is to use a hyperbole to further emphasize that it is impossible for a rich man to enter heaven by his own strength. Money tends to have an effect on most of us to the point that those who are rich are particularly susceptible to apathy, indifference, or even animosity when it comes to Jesus. In this way it is impossible for a rich man to enter heaven. If he were saying anything less than “impossible”, the disciples would not likely be astonished and wonder who could be saved. The response of the disciples adds further evidence that Jesus did intend to say exactly what is recorded in our modern translations. If it were not for the wonderful grace of God that woos us to Himself, no one would be saved.

Moreover, it is the rich who generally resist this grace.
“ Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you….You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter.” [James 5:1,2,5]

“Are they [the rich] not the ones who are slandering the noble name of Him to whom you belong?” [James 2:7]

“Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love Him?” [James 2:5]

This generality that the rich slander God, while the poor tend to recognize their need for God may be what Jesus meant in the beatitudes found in Luke 6:20-27. There He says “blessed are you who are poor” and “woe to you who are rich.” These blessings and woes may refer to spiritual poverty and spiritual self-righteous “wealth” as Matthew’s beatitudes proclaim, but it is also true that worldly wealth tends to be an impediment to gaining heavenly wealth.

Wonderful exceptions to this rule:
Joseph of Arimathea was a wealthy man, and yet is called a disciple of Jesus [Matthew 27:57]. Many Old Testament saints enjoyed earthly wealth [Abraham, David, Solomon] though this wealth did at times cause problems. But the passage that clearly states that there will be saints in heaven who were rich on earth can be found in
I Timothy 6:17-19: “Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.”

There will be saints in heaven who were counted as rich on earth [Hallelujah!], but it is imperative that they not place their hope in that wealth, as it can be a stumbling stone.


Riches, a blessing but a possible stumbling stone
The Bible tells us that wealth and the ability to enjoy it is a gift from God. (“Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work—this is a gift of God.”—Ecclesiastes 5:19) But this wealth can also become a stumbling stone for us that keeps us from living a life of faith. Solomon was blessed with wealth, but that and his many wives became an obstacle for him. Likewise, money can be an obstacle for us today. Jesus said that you cannot serve both Him and money [Matt 6:24], many people think that only rich people serve money, but it is possible to serve money even when you think you don’t have much of it!

If you have done any of the following, you may be serving money even if you think you aren’t rich:
* You have withheld from tithing 10% because finances are just too “tight”
* You have gotten upset that someone didn’t pay back money they owed you
* You complained about how much money you make at work
* Spend more money on entertainment than on God’s Kingdom
* You say “no” to someone in need when you have the means to help them
* You own a car, home, or other possession that is out of pace with your income
* You are getting deeper in debt, partly because of your spending habits
* You seem to be addicted to shopping
* You aren’t saving any money, but you still are taking vacations and buying non-essential items
* You argue about money
* You dream of what you would do with a jackpot from the lottery
* You gamble even a small amount of money
* You would consider committing a very small sin if you would get a lot of money in return

You may be richer than you think!
If you own your home, you have more than most in the world do.
If you have a car, you are richer than most.
If you eat out at a restaurant, you spend more than the average monthly income in Nicaragua.
If you have ever spent money to lose weight, then you are wealthy in the world’s eyes
If you buy a Coke, a lottery ticket, or a cup of coffee, you spent a day’s wages for many humans.
If you take the trash out every week, think about the millions who rummage through trash to live
One pack of disposable diapers is more than most babies will ever wear
A personal computer is an unaffordable luxury to most in the world.
A glass of clean water is unheard of in much of the world.
If you have a toilet, you have more than 60-80% of people in the world
If you take a week’s vacation, you will spend more than the world’s average yearly income
Most people in the world make less money in a month than you will spend on dinner and a movie!


What should I do?
1) Don’t love money. Money is a tool, or an instrument to help you do God’s will in your life. The Bible says, “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” [I Timothy 6:10]

2) Be generous and willing to share. If we practice generosity, it will help us to not put our affections upon money. If we practice selfishness, it will cause us to become more and more attached to our money. Generosity is a fruit of the Spirit. The New Revised Standard Version translates “agathosune” as ‘generosity’ in place of ‘goodness’. We are commanded in I Timothy 6:17-19 to be generous with our money.

3) Tithe. Much could be said about the Bible’s stance on tithing. Malachi 3:9-12 is one of many passages that speak God’s will for us in regards to giving to the church. Give at least 10%.

4) Work hard, spend modestly, save wisely, give generously
With your spending, consider these three categories: Daily necessities, reasonable entertainment, and God’s Kingdom.

5) Don’t underestimate the danger of not heeding these commands
The Bible says that there are people who have been eager for money and have wandered from the faith [I Timothy 6:10]. Jesus also says that you cannot serve Him and money [Matthew 6:24]. There is danger for you and I if we decide to continue to pursue money and neglect the proper management of God’s resources that He has entrusted us with. Jesus told a story about three servant-managers whom were entrusted with money from God. One servant mismanaged the money and Jesus said of him, “throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” [Matthew 25:30]. Of note: the worthless servant was given less money to manage than the other two men. One man was given twice as much money as him and the other was given five times as much money. So let’s not delude ourselves into thinking that only the rich are at risk for misusing God’s money! Is there not a serious danger to us if we misuse or mismanage the money God has entrusted us with?

Some Proverbs to consider:
Proverbs 16:2; “All a man's ways seem innocent to him,
but motives are weighed by the LORD .”

Proverbs 16:25; “There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death.”

Proverbs 23:4; “Do not wear yourself out to get rich;
have the wisdom to show restraint.”

Proverbs 21:13; “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor,
he too will cry out and not be answered.”

Proverbs 19:17; “He who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD ,
and he will reward him for what he has done.”

Proverbs 10:4; “Lazy hands make a man poor,
but diligent hands bring wealth.”

Proverbs 11:4; “Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath,
but righteousness delivers from death.”

Ecclesiastes 5:10; “Whoever loves money never has money enough;
whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.
This too is meaningless.”

"Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf"
Proverbs 11:28

Here's something my dad showed me...it really spoke to me, esp when right before I read it I was thinking how things that are happening to me are so unfair:

Here's an interesting biblical explanation (from Charles Stanley Devotionals) when we feel that God seems unjust with our present challenges in life....I hope this makes sense.

READ Deuteronomy 32:1-4

¹ Listen, O heavens, and I will speak;
hear, O earth, the words of my mouth.

² Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.

³ I will proclaim the name of the LORD.
Oh, praise the greatness of our God!

⁴ He is the Rock, his works are perfect,
and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
upright and just is he.

Have you ever felt that a situation in your life was an exception to the promises of Scripture? In today’s passage, Moses declares that the Lord is faithful and all His ways are just, but we have all been in circumstances that seemed wrong and blatantly unfair. And because God did not intervene, we’ve struggled to reconcile our experience with Moses’ statement about Him.

Scripture is filled with examples of godly people who faced hardships that seemed totally unfair. Joseph was sold as a slave, David was hunted like an animal by King Saul, and the apostle Paul suffered with a “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7-10).

Situations like these can cause us to question whether God is good and just. If left to fester in our minds, these doubts may give way to discouragement. We can easily start thinking, What is the use in serving the Lord? Look what it has gotten me—suffering!

It’s important to remember that what we know about God from His Word is more accurate than what we feel. Scripture tells us that God is good and just, so we can know with certainty that He has a fantastic purpose for us in whatever we experience.

God allows each of us to face some trials that we won’t understand to our satisfaction this side of heaven. Our job is not to comprehend everything He does and permits, but to know how to respond. He’ll make all things right in eternity. In the meantime, trust the Rock when all else is shaky.

I am having a real tough time in school right now...
I just keep thinking about school that I can't concentrate on anything else, not even my own school work...it's just so overwhelming and I should probably be studying right now cuz I don't have time to waste, but then again this isn't a waste right...?

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So I took a quiz in ENEE204(Basic Circuit Theory). And the professor is just giving me such a difficult time.

I guess I am just overreacting...but basically, I need to do get a 100 on this quiz so that I can really ensure an A in the class. And based on what we are learning in class right now...I think this is the only shot I have at getting a 100. Because the next quiz is going to be so hard, I was planning that that quiz would be the one that I will drop.

I need to get 100 on ALL of my quizzes(with exception to the one he drops).
Like I can't stress that enough. I need to get 100 on ALL of my quizzes...in order to ensure an A. Otherwise I have a GREAT GREAT possibility of getting a B in the class. Quizzes are 60% of our grade...and I'm not doing too well in the homework (20%) part either...because he grades for accuracy...

Anyways, this quiz is really the one quiz. The ONE. The quiz that matters!

So I was taking the quiz and I was having a tough time. But slowly I was getting it. And I eventually got the right answer...BUT as I was checking my work, I made a huge mistake and changed my answer (to the wrong one)...my professor then called time...so I rushed to change it back to what I had originally...

but it wasn't enough time...the professor saw me and gave me an automatic 0...

And my heart started beating, cuz now I need to work extra hard, without sacrificing my 244 class. To get an A now...

As I was walking to my car, I started tearing up...but there were people around so I held it in...


What makes me sad is just how that professor thinks of me. And this isn't even the first time that he got mad at me. I mean I'm not doing things wrong on purpose. I have no intention to give him disrespect. I am not disrespecting him on purpose. But he always thinks I'm so disrespectful. And it's just so hard and difficult to talk to him like about questions that I have...but I still do...

I am going to be stressing out for the next two weeks so much. I have one more quiz, and two more homework assignments (which take two days each) left for ENEE204. And I have about two more homework sets for ENEE244.

My status in each class to get an A:

ENEE204: I need to get 100 on the next quiz, which is really really hard to do considering the subject we are going to be quizzed on. And I need at least an A on the next two homework assignments.

ENEE244: I need to get a 91 on the final to get an A. But that only leaves me for basically one mistake, because each mistake ranges up to 8 points....

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I am just so stressed to get good grades right now because I'm planning to go to graduate school (minimum GPA 3.5) and I'm trying to get an internship and be able to apply for merit based scholarships.

This is all just so stressful to me because all the hard work I did in high school, now basically doesn't matter....and people only see how I'm doing in college now. So I'm really stressed not to mess up.

It just bothers me so much because people are having it so easy (easy professors, easy TA's, massive curves,). And some people in my class got this exam from other semesters that was EXACTLY the same as the midterm we took yesterday. So they all made the average to be 80.1.

Like, I'm working so hard and I'm not able to go out (I miss out on so much these days) and I'm still not doing as well as I hoped in school...

------------------------------

I guess the main problem here is pride. I always did well in school...

But now in college I feel like my life, my career is falling apart (over exaggeration).
I am no different than anyone else. How can I compete for scholarships, internship positions, job positions, and graduate school???

How can I compete....even people who I always did better than are getting better GPA's than I am. And I didn't even get into any programs. It was really tough that I didn't get into any program. I guess I wasn't eligible for the Scholar's Program since I turned in my application late (by 16 minutes because my essay got completely deleted....so I had to rewrite it at midnight).

But I really feel like I'm losing control. I can't control how well I do anymore.

-----------------------------------------

But I was thinking...maybe God is trying to tell me something. I mean I heard this from Vincent once when he was going through something similar to what I'm going through now...
and it's this:

That God takes away things from you to get your attention...and in my case that would be the control I have over my studies.


Maybe I just need to work harder. Not maybe...but I DO need to work harder...but still God allowed me to come to this point...why???

And I think that He's doing this to help me refocus on
5 Main Points (not in any particular order):

1. Letting Him satisfy me, let Him be my true only and true source of happiness
2. Remember that what I'm doing is for His glory
3. To depend on God fully and not to worry to release hold onto my life, that God will provide (Jehovah Jireh)
4. To grow as a student, (better time management, better study habits, learning how to prioritize)
5. To realize and be thankful for all of His blessings

1. Letting Him satisfy me
Philippians 3:7-9
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

Just reading this, I remember how thankful I am for all the things that God does for me. I am just so thankful, so grateful for the love that He showed me through the acts and love of His Son, Jesus Christ.
This is so amazing how Paul considers everything a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus. It reminds me that grades are not all that important compared to knowing God. And just knowing that God saved me already. Likewise, grades I consider a loss, I consider rubbish, I consider NOTHING compared to knowing Christ Jesus. Compared to God, my troubles, my grades, school...school does not even come close. No match. No comparison. Hands down..
"for whose sake I have lost all things"

2. Remember that what I'm doing is for His glory
1 Corinthians 15:58 (New International Version)
58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Psalm 115:1
1(A) Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory,
(B) for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!

This is so comforting as well. That as long as I give myself fully to the work of the Lord...my labor in the Lord is not in vain. Christ alone is worthy of our worship...I will not give unto the Lord that which costs me nothing. For He is worthy. For He is great and greatly to be praised. (I just quoted some phrases...but I don't remember where I heard them...songs? sermons?)

3.To depend on God fully and not to worry. Let God take control and surrender it all. God will provide.
Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This is similar to the last one. But I just like this verse because it commands us not to worry. Haha it's kind of selfish, but I am just comforted when someone, especially coming from the Word of God, tells me not to worry. And I know God will provide. His eye is on the sparrow. If God can provide for the birds, He will provide for me my needs. All according to His sovereign will.

4. To grow as a student (better time management, study habits, and learning how to prioritize..)
I need to learn how to manage my time better and prioritize. I really do study all day. Maybe from 4 until 10. But it is really light study. It is studying while on my laptop. I think God is telling me that I can't waste my time like that anymore. I can't waste my time on AIM, or on Facebook. But of course there's nothing wrong with them, but if I have to study, it's best I stay away from internet or anything that can distract me from studying. I have a cell phone anyways, People can just call me if they need me =]. (But I know some people turn off their cell phones while they study too.) But yeah, now I realize, college is not a joke. I really need to work hard for God's glory. Not wasting my time on Earth. and not being lazy.

There's a time for everything. I just need to know how to manage them and place more time in those places according to priority.

5. To realize and be thankful for all of His blessings
I don't realize that I am in the United States of America. I don't realize that I go to the University of Maryland-College Park, one of the top engineering schools in the nation. I don't realize that I was accepted into the A James Clark School of Engineering, a limted enrollment program. I don't realize that I'm paying in-state tuition. I don't realize that I lot of people dream to get into CP. I don't realize that getting an education is a privelege. I don't realize that I don't have to work for my own education.

I don't realize that I am plugged into a strong Bible based campus ministry with godly men and women who are passionate and zealous for the Lord and His people.
I don't realize that I have such a loving church who literally supports and takes good care of me.
I don't realize that I have such good friends =]
I don't realize that I have such firm and godly parents.
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Ahhh yes almost done!! I am going to have a tough couple of weeks, but I know God is with me. God is carrying me. His will will be done. He is great, magnificent, glorious, beautiful, awesome! My Savior, my God, my King, my Strong Tower, my Hiding place, my Comforter, my Healer, my Friend, my Father.

"And so Lord I'm giving it all to You. I surrender it all. Lord have Your way in me. May I be holy and pleasing to You!"
-In Jesus Name,
Amen

Psalms 73:21-28
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

I was doing homework today and was just stressing out so much and then I decided to listen to some songs...and I came to this song, "Draw me close to You"

It's is truly amazing because I feel like I have known this song for like as long as I can remember. I know this song inside and out (not really). I've played this song like a million times during worship service. I've sang this song, heard this song, I can probably play it on the spot. That's how long I have known this song. And yet...I feel like today it really..I don't know it's like as if the people singing the song knew exactly how I felt and I felt like crying because it (almost) perfectly describes how I feel.

Draw me close to you
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear you say that I'm your friend
Help me find a way to bring me back to you

You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want,
Help me know you are near

You are my desire
No one else will do
Cause no one else
Can take you place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find a way to bring me back to you

Lord Jesus give ear to my words...I plead, I beg, please come

Psalm 5

¹Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.

²Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.

³My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

O Lord, this is too difficult for me, I've been holding it too long...I need someone by my side...can I cry on Your shoulder...hold me now..please

All I Can Say
by David Crowder Band

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
i know it's not much
And this is all that I can give
yeah that's my everything

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

Mark 14:33-36

³³He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. ³⁴"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."

³⁵Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. ³⁶"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."

O Dear Lord,

I may not be going through the struggles of Paul, or of Jesus. I may not be in poverty, or be starving. I do not have a wife who is cheating on me. My loved ones, my parents and a lot of my friends are still alive. I live in America. I have no reason to complain or be in stress. I go to a University and am blessed with knowledge and a good education. I am blessed with godly parents who can guide me and are always providing for me. I am truly blessed

But I am going through a really difficult time right now.

I don’t know Your purpose in allowing me to have these feelings Lord Father. These feelings I dwell upon day and night. Even though I know that I shouldn't be.

But Lord I am weak.

These feelings affect my relationship with my family, my friends, and my relationship with You. It takes my mind off of You. O Father, this is not good. I'm digging myself in a hole that gets harder and harder to crawl out of.

Lord Father, I need a miracle. I need Your mercy. Your compassion. Your grace.

Lord Father, don't You see how I cry so? Don't You see how sad I am. Don't You know my thoughts and feelings? How difficult is this time?

It is one of the worst pains I have ever felt. It brings me down. It ruins the time that I have with my family. It ruins the time that I have with my friends. Why? Because this pain is so painful that I am constantly thinking about it. And as I ruin the time that I have with those I love, I put others in burden. I put those I love in unnecessary wonder. I put those I love in uncomfortable times.

Lord Father, I am reaching the edge.

Father, these feelings...please take them away. Lord Father please deliver me from this pain that I have so long beared. Lord Father please take it away. Cast it as far as the east is from the west. May I be free from the bondage of my feelings, my sin, my selfish nature.

BUT Father..........IF IT IS YOUR WILL

Continue. May Your will be done. May You be glorified to the most high. May You reveal Your purpose and Your will.

Lord Father, I will follow, REGARDLESS…I will seek HOLINESS, GODLINESS, CHRIST-LIKENESS regardless. I will be SATISFIED by Your INFINITE love.

AND THROUGH YOUR LOVE, I will still love. I will still love those who sin against me. I will still love those who cause me pain. I will still love You. I will still worship You. I will still follow You. I will still seek after You. I will still praise You!

Please carry me Father as I go through this. Give me strength to overcome. May I find the joy and the peace that surpasses human understanding. I plead with You Father, do not withdraw Your love from me. Please give me a spirit of power, love and discipline. Give me a spirit of inspiration, passion, and zeal for You and Your word. Give me hope, and give me comfort...

"Give me joy, give me peace, give the chance to be free, give me anything that brings You glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain...

But if that's what it takes to praise You...Jesus bring the rain..."

In Jesus Name,
Amen