But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus...

I am having a real tough time in school right now...
I just keep thinking about school that I can't concentrate on anything else, not even my own school work...it's just so overwhelming and I should probably be studying right now cuz I don't have time to waste, but then again this isn't a waste right...?

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So I took a quiz in ENEE204(Basic Circuit Theory). And the professor is just giving me such a difficult time.

I guess I am just overreacting...but basically, I need to do get a 100 on this quiz so that I can really ensure an A in the class. And based on what we are learning in class right now...I think this is the only shot I have at getting a 100. Because the next quiz is going to be so hard, I was planning that that quiz would be the one that I will drop.

I need to get 100 on ALL of my quizzes(with exception to the one he drops).
Like I can't stress that enough. I need to get 100 on ALL of my quizzes...in order to ensure an A. Otherwise I have a GREAT GREAT possibility of getting a B in the class. Quizzes are 60% of our grade...and I'm not doing too well in the homework (20%) part either...because he grades for accuracy...

Anyways, this quiz is really the one quiz. The ONE. The quiz that matters!

So I was taking the quiz and I was having a tough time. But slowly I was getting it. And I eventually got the right answer...BUT as I was checking my work, I made a huge mistake and changed my answer (to the wrong one)...my professor then called time...so I rushed to change it back to what I had originally...

but it wasn't enough time...the professor saw me and gave me an automatic 0...

And my heart started beating, cuz now I need to work extra hard, without sacrificing my 244 class. To get an A now...

As I was walking to my car, I started tearing up...but there were people around so I held it in...


What makes me sad is just how that professor thinks of me. And this isn't even the first time that he got mad at me. I mean I'm not doing things wrong on purpose. I have no intention to give him disrespect. I am not disrespecting him on purpose. But he always thinks I'm so disrespectful. And it's just so hard and difficult to talk to him like about questions that I have...but I still do...

I am going to be stressing out for the next two weeks so much. I have one more quiz, and two more homework assignments (which take two days each) left for ENEE204. And I have about two more homework sets for ENEE244.

My status in each class to get an A:

ENEE204: I need to get 100 on the next quiz, which is really really hard to do considering the subject we are going to be quizzed on. And I need at least an A on the next two homework assignments.

ENEE244: I need to get a 91 on the final to get an A. But that only leaves me for basically one mistake, because each mistake ranges up to 8 points....

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I am just so stressed to get good grades right now because I'm planning to go to graduate school (minimum GPA 3.5) and I'm trying to get an internship and be able to apply for merit based scholarships.

This is all just so stressful to me because all the hard work I did in high school, now basically doesn't matter....and people only see how I'm doing in college now. So I'm really stressed not to mess up.

It just bothers me so much because people are having it so easy (easy professors, easy TA's, massive curves,). And some people in my class got this exam from other semesters that was EXACTLY the same as the midterm we took yesterday. So they all made the average to be 80.1.

Like, I'm working so hard and I'm not able to go out (I miss out on so much these days) and I'm still not doing as well as I hoped in school...

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I guess the main problem here is pride. I always did well in school...

But now in college I feel like my life, my career is falling apart (over exaggeration).
I am no different than anyone else. How can I compete for scholarships, internship positions, job positions, and graduate school???

How can I compete....even people who I always did better than are getting better GPA's than I am. And I didn't even get into any programs. It was really tough that I didn't get into any program. I guess I wasn't eligible for the Scholar's Program since I turned in my application late (by 16 minutes because my essay got completely deleted....so I had to rewrite it at midnight).

But I really feel like I'm losing control. I can't control how well I do anymore.

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But I was thinking...maybe God is trying to tell me something. I mean I heard this from Vincent once when he was going through something similar to what I'm going through now...
and it's this:

That God takes away things from you to get your attention...and in my case that would be the control I have over my studies.


Maybe I just need to work harder. Not maybe...but I DO need to work harder...but still God allowed me to come to this point...why???

And I think that He's doing this to help me refocus on
5 Main Points (not in any particular order):

1. Letting Him satisfy me, let Him be my true only and true source of happiness
2. Remember that what I'm doing is for His glory
3. To depend on God fully and not to worry to release hold onto my life, that God will provide (Jehovah Jireh)
4. To grow as a student, (better time management, better study habits, learning how to prioritize)
5. To realize and be thankful for all of His blessings

1. Letting Him satisfy me
Philippians 3:7-9
7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

Just reading this, I remember how thankful I am for all the things that God does for me. I am just so thankful, so grateful for the love that He showed me through the acts and love of His Son, Jesus Christ.
This is so amazing how Paul considers everything a loss compared to knowing Christ Jesus. It reminds me that grades are not all that important compared to knowing God. And just knowing that God saved me already. Likewise, grades I consider a loss, I consider rubbish, I consider NOTHING compared to knowing Christ Jesus. Compared to God, my troubles, my grades, school...school does not even come close. No match. No comparison. Hands down..
"for whose sake I have lost all things"

2. Remember that what I'm doing is for His glory
1 Corinthians 15:58 (New International Version)
58Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Psalm 115:1
1(A) Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory,
(B) for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!

This is so comforting as well. That as long as I give myself fully to the work of the Lord...my labor in the Lord is not in vain. Christ alone is worthy of our worship...I will not give unto the Lord that which costs me nothing. For He is worthy. For He is great and greatly to be praised. (I just quoted some phrases...but I don't remember where I heard them...songs? sermons?)

3.To depend on God fully and not to worry. Let God take control and surrender it all. God will provide.
Philippians 4:6-7
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

This is similar to the last one. But I just like this verse because it commands us not to worry. Haha it's kind of selfish, but I am just comforted when someone, especially coming from the Word of God, tells me not to worry. And I know God will provide. His eye is on the sparrow. If God can provide for the birds, He will provide for me my needs. All according to His sovereign will.

4. To grow as a student (better time management, study habits, and learning how to prioritize..)
I need to learn how to manage my time better and prioritize. I really do study all day. Maybe from 4 until 10. But it is really light study. It is studying while on my laptop. I think God is telling me that I can't waste my time like that anymore. I can't waste my time on AIM, or on Facebook. But of course there's nothing wrong with them, but if I have to study, it's best I stay away from internet or anything that can distract me from studying. I have a cell phone anyways, People can just call me if they need me =]. (But I know some people turn off their cell phones while they study too.) But yeah, now I realize, college is not a joke. I really need to work hard for God's glory. Not wasting my time on Earth. and not being lazy.

There's a time for everything. I just need to know how to manage them and place more time in those places according to priority.

5. To realize and be thankful for all of His blessings
I don't realize that I am in the United States of America. I don't realize that I go to the University of Maryland-College Park, one of the top engineering schools in the nation. I don't realize that I was accepted into the A James Clark School of Engineering, a limted enrollment program. I don't realize that I'm paying in-state tuition. I don't realize that I lot of people dream to get into CP. I don't realize that getting an education is a privelege. I don't realize that I don't have to work for my own education.

I don't realize that I am plugged into a strong Bible based campus ministry with godly men and women who are passionate and zealous for the Lord and His people.
I don't realize that I have such a loving church who literally supports and takes good care of me.
I don't realize that I have such good friends =]
I don't realize that I have such firm and godly parents.
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Ahhh yes almost done!! I am going to have a tough couple of weeks, but I know God is with me. God is carrying me. His will will be done. He is great, magnificent, glorious, beautiful, awesome! My Savior, my God, my King, my Strong Tower, my Hiding place, my Comforter, my Healer, my Friend, my Father.

"And so Lord I'm giving it all to You. I surrender it all. Lord have Your way in me. May I be holy and pleasing to You!"
-In Jesus Name,
Amen

Psalms 73:21-28
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.